What No One Tells You About Life After College

I honestly had no idea how hard life after college would be. Everyone prepares you for going to college, but what awaits you upon graduation is significantly more earth shattering. In the months following college, my friends and I always joked about writing a book together about these truths. So, after almost THREE years removed from college, I feel like I have a little more perspective with which to write than when I was deep in the trenches.

Here are the top 10 things no one tells you about life after college:

10. Say “sayonara” to sleeping in. Gone are the weekends of sleeping until noon. Your body basically betrays you and can’t seem to get off the “wake up at 6:30” mentality. Consider yourself lucky if you can sleep until nine. And you can’t even be that upset, because the list of things you typically need to get done on any given Saturday is LONG. So best get started on that mile long to-do list ASAP.

9. You’ll have to start doing things by yourself. “I’m riding solo” will become your new jam and speak to your heart in ways you never thought possible. Living with 8 other girls for 4 years basically taught me that I never have to do anything on my own. At any given time, one of them is bound to be at home and willing to drop what they’re doing to go wherever needed. Need a new outfit? Craving Target and Chickfila? Need to go to the computer lab? Need to do anything??? There’s someone to go with you. And then you graduate and don’t live with all of your best friends. And you’re forced to do things by yourself and suddenly things that used to be fun because your friends were with you, now become something you dread for days on end – i.e. trips to Walmart.

8. You’ll gain weight. Oh, you’re familiar with the Freshman 15, but do you know about the Post-College (at least) 20 that’s about to smack you in the stomach, hips and thighs? Yeah, I didn’t either. Upon graduation, I had high hopes of losing weight because I just knew I would start eating better. I don’t know what switch flipped, but you’ll basically eat better and gain significant amounts of weight. I don’t know how it happens either, but don’t say I didn’t tell ya so.

7. The questions about why you aren’t married significantly increase. You got tired of those questions in college? Wait until your 24 and aren’t in a relationship and see how often you get asked this. In fact, people’s go-to questions will be “How’s work going?” and “Are you seeing anyone?” Always have a response prepared for each and be prepared to spout it out at any given time.

6. Your weekends won’t look the same. You’ll wonder how you EVER wanted to do anything on a Friday night besides park your pretty little rear on the couch, wear comfy clothes and watch Dateline. Saturday nights will become your thing. You got a few more hours of shut eye (just a few though – see #10), you had all day to get through your menial tasks and get ready for a night out with friends. Now don’t worry. It’s not all different. That Sunday night dread will still be there to end your weekend right.

5. Life costs so much more than you think. Oh, you’ve heard this, but until you’ve experienced it, it’s a whole new ballgame – it’s so much worse than they tell you. All that money you earn from that full-time job? It goes to paying your taxes, groceries, gas, health insurance, eating out, cell phone, car insurance, rent, and so on and so forth. Let’s just say that I had more expendable income when I was in college than I do now because my parents are freaking awesome and paid for practically everything in college. Thank you mom and dad!!!

4. It’s hard to make new friends. For practically your entire life, you’ve had “built in” friends through school. At college, those horizons only expand as you meet people through various get togethers, clubs, classes, etc. After you graduate, it becomes incredibly difficult to find friends outside of work BECAUSE WHERE DO YOU FIND THEM? You don’t. That’s the answer. And let’s be real, now that you are consumed with your new full-time job and adult responsibilities, there isn’t a whole lot of extra energy left that new relationships demand.

3. All your friends will move away. Depressed yet? It just keeps getting better, huh? Out of my best friends, four of the six moved to faraway places (re. India, Florida, Boston and Allen). It’ll be really tough. Your dreams of life continuing the way it was in college are shattered every time another picks up their life and moves away. The upside? You have an excuse to go to cool places you otherwise might not have. Also, with technology, your BFF4L’s are only a kakao message, text, call, facetime, fb message, tweet or insta away.

2. It’ll feel like work has completely taken over your life. Especially in the beginning. You mean I have to be there Monday THROUGH Friday? From 8 TO 5? You thought those 4 classes you had to sit through every Tuesday and Thursday were rough. Now, you have to spend more time EVERY DAY and you don’t just get to sit there texting your friends, doodling and listening. You have to produce things by a certain time and it can’t be crappy and you have to make so many people happy. It’s exhausting, really.

1. Only you know what YOU are going through. Again, through most of your life, your friends have been in similar situations as you. And this is no different, but it is. Your career options, where to live and options in general are endless. And as fantastic as your friends are, no one completely understands your sitch because no one walks in your shoes or makes the decisions you do. You and you alone get to make the decisions for your life. It’s a lot of pressure and responsibility. It’s difficult and scary and lonely and you’ll often question whether you are making the right decisions.

But know this… it DOES get better. And you’ll soon discover that different and change aren’t bad. They’re just not what you’re used to. And let me tell you, there are some really great perks of life after college as well. What I can say is this, rely on your family and friends. They’ll by far be your greatest help in getting through this time. I really couldn’t ask for any better.

In closing, when I asked my wise aunt Gretchen if college was the best time in her life, she responded, “I wouldn’t say the best. I’d say college was easily the most fun time in my life. But where I am right now, growing with my husband and watching my kids grow up – every day keeps getting better. This the BEST time of my life.” My granddad had a similar philosophy – that every season / age that he was currently in was the best. That is the perspective I want to live according to.

A blog about blogging

“There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside of you.” – Maya Angelou

I struggle with blogging / journaling / writing on any kind of consistent basis (as evidenced below). But. I LOVE writing. My soul aches to write. I delight in getting my thoughts and feelings out and organizing them in some coherent fashion. I like knowing that all the thoughts swirling in my mind can possibly make sense.

And yet, I don’t blog. I don’t journal. I don’t write. In fact, I typically run the other direction when the going gets tough. I run from the silence. It requires me to actually think about what’s going on. And I’ll be honest, this year has gone nothing like I envisioned. It’s been a difficult season. I don’t like admitting that to myself or others, so I stay mostly silent.

And if I do blog, I wonder if it’s narcissistic to think that others want to read what I have to say about my life or any given topic? Probably somewhat. But I want to write to not only have something to look back on, but also to offer something that might help others. I want to write about things that other people hide and don’t want to talk about. I want to openly struggle over the issues I’m wrestling with. So that, maybe, others will know they aren’t alone in this crazy journey of life.

I hope you’ll join me. I hope you’ll put aside your preconceived notions of me and the topics I bring up. I hope you’re willing, as I’ll try to be, to put down our eagerness to fight or to give the “churchy response” and instead choose to question, ponder and be as open and honest as the interwebs allow. 🙂

New.

New = “Not previously experienced or encountered, novel or unfamiliar.”

I LOVE new things. It doesn’t matter how small or insignificant it is, if it’s new, I like it. A new pair of patterned socks. A new bottle of Infusium shampoo. A new colorful journal. A new year. But my most favorite new thing – beginnings. When new beginnings are punctuated by a new year, I’m just elated. And lucky for me, that is where I currently am.

New job. New schedule. New priorities. New relationships. New commitments (that don’t include writing papers, taking tests or attending classes). New “normal.”

New = “Different from the former or the old.”

This definitely describes what 2014 will be for me. In so many ways, both good and bad, this year will be different from the previous. I’m ecstatic at all the new that surrounds and awaits me. If I’m honest, also a little terrified and nervous. I have been finding myself wanting to preserve the “newness” – the clean, unadulterated state everything is currently in. But life is meant to be lived. To get messy, to fall flat on my face, to be in over my head, to experience the unbelievable highs and devastating lows. It may have taken me a few extra days, but I’m ready 2014.

What am I getting myself into?

I’m beyond frustrated with the educational system that I have directed my career towards. I have multiple reasons for that frustration, but most of those are for another blog at another time. 

As I sit, for the 5^th night this week, working on homework, I could not be more annoyed. I have learned more in my 50 practicum hours of being in the school this semester, shadowing a school counselor, than I have in my ENTIRE GRADUATE PROGRAM thus far.

Which makes me wonder, why am I spending numerous hours of my last semester studying:

1. Things I have already learned multiple times in college and that I will not remember after I take the test.

2.  That are not even relevant to what I will be doing.

I’m currently memorizing… “Amino acids instructions are transmitted to cells via four chemical bases that include adenine, thiamine, cystosine and guanine.”

I don’t have a clue what the means. And if I ever have to, for some reason beyond me, know what chemicals make up an amino acid for school counseling, you and I both know I’ll just be googling that.

3.  Why can’t I learn more about what I can actually apply? Like how IEP’s work, what is a PLC how to intervene in crisis situations, classroom management, new educational laws, state testing, etc. Those are things I need to be learning. Not what Erik Erikson’s stages of development are for (AT LEAST) THE TWENTY FIFTH TIME.

I recognize the irony as I state these things and then will be in education, helping promote what I am so incredibly fed up with. But, you better believe I’ll try my darnedest to get those kid’s real-life experience as often as possible.

Whew. Only three more months until I graduate out of this mess. And then enter the other side of the educational system.

2012.

I’ve been meaning to blog about 2012 for, oh, about a month now. I planned on writing this over Christmas break. This didn’t happen since 99% of my break was spent in Arkansas, I didn’t have the mental capacity to write – I was woken up every morning by my sweet nephews and niece singing “Jingle Bells” and going to bed entirely too late due to wonderful conversations. And then, well, the new year has just been a little crazy.

While I like to think it’s that I’ve been too busy, I’m afraid it’s more than that. I can’t put my finger on it, but 2012 is a hard year for me to wrap my mind around. As well, there is so much pressure to try and write about an entire year in one post. Thus, I’ve decided to only hit the highlights.

I wrote in my “See ya 2011. Let’s do this 2012″ blog that I was hoping that this year would be full of stability and a lack of change… Well, that certainly didn’t happen. But I’ve learned to embrace change as a normal, healthy part of life that makes this such an adventure.

Jobs changed. Addresses changed. Relationships changed. Titles changed. I changed.

Here are some 2012 highlights:

I took wonderful trips to Colorado, Florida, Texas, Kansas and Arkansas.

I left my first “real job” under less than desirable circumstances. I learned a lot about fighting for what I believe. And fighting for precious girls’ hearts.

I took a job at Novo in development/communications that I have fallen in love with. This has been a huge part of the change I have experienced personally this year.

I applied for and started graduate school to become a school counselor one day.

I helped lead Walk A Mile at church – a foster care awareness event. I also started watching the 3 year old’s at church on Sundays.

I dated post-college. This was fun and taught me a lot about relationships and myself.

I moved from an apartment to a house (that isn’t mine:)

My dad took a job in Arkansas. My parents live in Bella Vista and now I’m confused on where my “home” really is.

Kyle and Megan got pregnant with sweet Raegan, who will be making her grand appearance in about a month and a half!

Matt, Allison, Joshua, Jenna and Ethan moved into a house about ten minutes from me! They have completely stolen my heart. Along with watching them one night a week, I spend lots of time with them. My “aunt” role is definitely my favorite.

I met Serge Ibaka.

So, what do I want for 2013? I’ve picked a word for the year instead of resolutions.

My word for 2013 is responsibility. I want to be responsible in and for so many areas of my life. My health, finances, happiness, relationships, growth, etc. Not the boring, no-fun responsibility  but the kind that owns up to my role and the taking ownership of the direction of my life. Andy Stanley so eloquently states that, my irresponsibility, 100% of the time, becomes someone else’s responsibility. And I’m 23. I don’t want others to have be responsible for me or pick up after my messes.

So although I’m a month late – I see you, 2013. And I’m ready for ya. I can’t wait to see what this year has in store.

True Forgiveness

I wrote the following post of February 8, 2009 after attending William Garrett Winslow’s sentencing. This is (most of) what I wrote originally after being a part of the initial sentencing and victim impact statements:

“Last Monday, I learned what true forgiveness is. Never have I seen such forgiveness played out in front of me.

As I was sitting in court, looking at for the first time, the guy who killed my best friend, I am overwhelmed with emotion. I find myself initially feeling so angry. Thinking to myself “I have never hated any person more in my life. You ruined everything. You are the reason all this happened. I can’t believe I am even in the same room as you.” But as I look at him more closely, and read the email he wrote to Ashley’s parents, my feelings towards him begin to change. I begin to look at him, really look at him. And he looks like a guy who I would hang out with. He is my age. My age. He made a mistake, a big one, choosing to drive while under the influence of ecstasy. And it happened that his mistake ended a precious girls life.

Ashley’s mom and dad read letters they wrote to Garrett. Her dad goes first, telling how everything has changed since October 28, 2007. Nothing is the same. He stands up there with Cindy as she reads her letter. She starts off by talking about that night. That terrible, terrible night. About how she had to kiss her 18 year old daughter goodbye. How Ashley is in heaven and although we will be reunited one day, that day seems so far away at times. She tells about who Ashley was. About her love and zest for life. She tells about Ashley’s future. And then she says what she wants to see for Garrett. She starts off with “I don’t want him to spend his life in jail.” Wow. To look at the boy who killed your daughter and be able to say that astonishes me. She goes on to say “I want you to have a family, I want you to finish your degree.” She wants him in drug counseling and community service. But this floors me. For a mother to look at him and say those things is incredible. It is only by the grace of God that Cindy could say and mean those things. She forgave him. And he didn’t deserve any of it. What a beautiful picture of forgiveness.

It reminds me of the Lord who continually forgives us. I often sin flippantly. And yet He forgives, day in and day out. If the Lord can forgive me every day, if Cindy can forgive Garrett, then surely I can forgive any wrong doing against me. How insignificant those grudges that I hold on to are.

So I witnessed this beautiful act of forgiveness, and it was life-changing.”

Garrett’s original 10 year sentence was reduced because, as the District Attorney at the time, said Ashley’s family was “forgiving” and wanted his sentence reduced. The court’s granted Ashley’s family’s request.

On August 1, 2012, Garrett was released from prison. He served his term and now has plenty of years of probation ahead of him. Hearing this news, I found myself originally feeling the same way I did when I was in that court room – angry. How could this be happening? But then I am once again reminded of Cindy’s forgiveness and I realize I can’t be angry. I must fight against my natural reaction to harbor resentment and anger towards him. I must forgive. I must again recognize that I have no room to talk. I remember, that I, too, make poor decisions. By God’s grace, none have resulted in severe as consequences as Garrett’s, but I do make major mistakes.

While I forgive Garrett, it’s still pretty overwhelming to think about. Maybe because it reminds me that others get to move on with their life while those who loved Ashley are left still missing her. I’m not naïve enough to think that Garrett gets to easily move on with his life. I’m not upset of that either. I want him to live with the reality of his actions as we all daily experience the effects of it. The truth is, no sentence brings her back.

In 2 months, it will be 5 years from Ashley being taken from us. I made a decision right after her passing, that I will honor and remember her by celebrating the life that she lived and living as passionately as she did. While I can’t say that I’m always true to this decision, I do my best. I refuse to become angry and allow bitterness to eat away at my heart. I chose to honor her through caring about what she did and (attempting) to live with as much joy as she did.

I miss you, Au. And won’t ever stop.

The Bachelor

Disclaimer: This is not going to be a blog of any real depth.

Julie and I watched the first episode of The Bachelor tonight. I was seriously in shock at how much it has declined. I’ve always known the Bachelor is trash, but this? This is a new level. The caliber of people chosen for this show has taken a dramatic decline. It appeared that there about 3 normal girls on there. And that’s a stretch.

Allow me to give you a brief rundown of some of the eligible bachelorettes:

• One brings her grandmother with her to vouch for her, that she is in fact, a family person.

• One walks straight past Ben F. with barely a glance and not a word spoken.  I’m guessing she was trying to make some kind of a point. Unfortunately, whatever that point was, was overshadowed by her snobiness.

• One spends the entire evening whining about another girl who she thinks doesn’t like her. She spends most of the night crying and is late to the rose ceremony because of it. And she gets a rose?! Madness.

• One rode in on a horse so that she could get the first impression rose. Sadly, it worked.

• One wore a HUGE hat because she was from Kentucky. Personally, I think she needs a better reason to be wearing something that hideous in public.

• One girl introduced herself to Ben F. as a “dork poem writer.” She continued to prove this to him by a 2 minute poem she wrote about herself and how he fit into it. Creepy, much?

• One wrote a rap for Ben F. and rapped the entire thing to him. He was strangely into it, which makes me question him as well.

• And Ben F.’s hair. It’s just plain disgusting.

I am convinced that he only gave Jenna and Monica a rose because ABC paid him an extra mil to do so. After all this, I’ll probably still watch every episode.

See ya 2011. Let’s do this 2012.

Good-bye 2011.

What a year. It can be said of most years that there were great times coupled with disappointing moments. This year has been no different. What makes this year unique is the large amount of triumphs, heartbreaks, loss and change. Definitely change.

I can say without any hesitation that this year has been full of more change in my life than any other. While at the time, I thought going to college was such a change, and at the time, that was the most change I’ve ever experienced. But this. This is way scarier, different, terrifying, unnerving change that I’ve ever experienced.  I changed jobs, residencies (3 times), cars, identity from student to employee, friends and much more. I’m looking forward to the stability that 2012 holds. Hopefully.

Another key word for this year in my life has been loss. At the beginning of this year, Kyle and Megan had a miscarriage. We never had the chance to meet him/her, but rest in knowing they are with the Father. My dad found out his job would be ending January 1,2012. The results of this are still yet to be seen, but it brings with it an air of uncertainty and a loss of what is known.  Upon graduation, I lost the ability to ever live all of my best friends again.  Throughout the year, I’ve continued to “lose” best friends to their life callings that are not in the OKC area. I lost Ben, my beloved dog and companion of 14 years. I lost my sweet grandma Billie. She has lived with my parents for the past 6 years and seeing her had became a staple part of my visits home.

Due to the previous themes mentioned, crying is another consistent theme of 2011.

I couldn’t have survived this year without the people in my life who continue to support me through these difficult transitions. I’m incredibly blessed. This year held a ton of great things, moments and experiences.

Here are some of the highlights of 2011:

The year started off with attending a conference in Atlanta, known as Passion. It opened my eyes to the Lord in ways that I have never known. The Lord revealed to me a vision for my life that involves caring for the discarded of this world. If it was not for this time with the Lord, this difficult year may of seemed insurmountable.

J-term continued with a cruise with my besties to Mexico. Talk about fun! We had a blast and let’s just say everyone knew the Ochos by the end of that trip. There was no better way to start my last semester of college.

A week-long snow storm extended our J-term. For 4 years of trying to get my friends to play Monopoly, they finally agreed after being stuck in the house for 5 days.

In March, I took a trip to India with my mom to be there for the arrival of my newest nephew! Some of my favorite parts of the trip were going to the Taj Mahal, celebrating Holi, shopping, catching up with Matt & Ali, meeting Ethan and playing with Joshua & Jenna. An unexpected addition of this trip was being educated on and seeing some India’s orphans. It opened my eyes and heart to this tragedy that occurs all over the world.

In May, I graduated from OBU! To see the result of four years of hard work was very exciting. All of the changes that accompanied this were and continue to be, incredibly difficult. Leaving what I knew as home for four years to the unknown wasn’t easy but boy,  graduation was fun!

Katherine and Tim also got married this month. It was fun to see everyone again after being separated for a whole 2 weeks. KC and I had quite the scary car accident on the way, but we walked away unscathed.

In June, one of my best friends, Jessica got married! Such a fun wedding and great couple 🙂

In October, I bought my first car! I love it. I can’t explain how great it is to have a car I enjoy driving.

In November, Katherine and Jake got married! It was such a beautiful, fun time. It was a blast getting to be a part of.

I also got an apartment with Julie this month. It has been so great to have a roommate again. And internet and TV. Unfortunately, I have no pictures of it…

I just got home from our annual Christmas week in Arkansas with my dad’s side of the family. It was a refreshing time of getting to reconnect with family. We shopped, played, watched movies,went to an art museum, laughed a lot, and found the Duggar’s house. I couldn’t ask for a more incredible family.

You were good to me 2011, but I’m not too sad to see you go.

Hello 2012. Let’s do this.

Home sweet home

I think I’ll always consider Tulsa home. And I’m okay with that. I love that city. I can’t really explain it’s greatness, but it is.

I think it’s what it represents to me that makes me love it so. It means family, safety, fun, freedom and comfort. When I’m home, I feel a safety that I don’t know anywhere else. It’s where I can be completely myself with no guards up. It’s where I experience an abundance of love and unconditional support. It’s home.

I always find it difficult to leave home. To go back into the world on my own, away from the comforts that home offers. But I know before too long, I will be making another treck down the turnpike to sweet t-town.

Mom, dad and Tulsa, thanks for another great weekend.

Car shopping

On my very shaky ride to Tulsa this morning, I came to the realization that ‘Ol Henry isn’t going to make it much longer. At least that’s what I’m telling myself as I can’t imagine maintaining my sanity if I have to drive it for another 5 years.

When I arrive home, i announce that I would like to go looking for a car. My sweet mom agrees to go with me on this adventure. My dad states how much he hates looking for cars and will be available by phone. At the end of the day, I realized why he was so adamant about not going. We began at carmax, where I drove a chevy equinox and loved it. I looked/drove others, but really liked this one. Armed with another car and price in mind, we went to a used car lot in sand springs.

Thus begins the real adventure. It was almost completely opposite of the calm, no pressure experience at carmax. Before even looking at a single car, Josh, our designated salesman, is trying to get us to agree to spend more. When he realizes I won’t relent, he decides that hail damage suv’s would be a good option. After looking at a few, in the nicest way possible, I inform Josh that I will not be purchasing a hail damaged vehicle. Since he knows best, he insists on me test driving a serento that has severe damage. The keys to said car are nowhere to be found. After about 30 minutes of looking, I tell Josh that we should probably cut our losses and look at a different car. We found a ford edge, test drove it and I really liked it. But I knew it was way out of my price range,not because there was a price on it (because there wasn’t one) but due to the milage and year.

Then the real craziness began. Josh begins trying to cut us a deal. After bringing his manager into it and much rearrangement of numbers, I finally tell him there is no way it’s going to work. So then they show me a few more suv’s that I’m not crazy about. As a last ditch effort, they find an equinox that they want to show me. At this point, I just want to leave. We have been there for 3 hours and I’m done. But I feel awful. Poor Josh has tried everything, been very kind and I’m about to walk away with nothing. As I’m explaining my woes to my mom and how I just want to leave, Josh points to a blue equinox that was driving off the lot, with it’s new owner. He was bummed, I wasn’t. I was thankful. He relented, gave me his card and we drove off as quickly as possible. I’m so glad my mom was with me. I’m certain I would of crumbled without her. And now I know why people hate car salesmen. I don’t ever want to do that again, at least not in the next 5 years. I just want to peacefully buy an equinox at a carmax.

We then went to chick-fil-a and to see “Footlose.” It was really cute. I’ve never seen the original, but I thought it was a good story.